Elizabeth had not expected Darcy’s letter to contain another proposal. In fact, she had no idea what it would say.
But once she began reading, a storm of emotions swept through her.
At first, she could hardly believe that Darcy thought he had anything to explain. She had been so certain that he had behaved badly that she doubted any explanation could make him look better.
With that prejudice firmly in her mind, she started reading his account of what had happened at Netherfield.
She read so quickly that she could barely understand the words. She was too eager to know what he would say next to pay attention to what she was reading at that moment.
She immediately decided that his belief in Jane’s lack of affection for Bingley was completely wrong.
Then she came to his explanation of why he had opposed the relationship.
The more she read, the angrier she became.
He did not sound sorry enough for what he had done. His words seemed proud and arrogant rather than regretful.
To Elizabeth, it was still nothing but pride and arrogance.
Then she reached the part about Wickham.
Her attention became sharper.
If Darcy’s story was true, everything Elizabeth had believed about Wickham’s character would have to change.
Worse, Darcy’s account was strangely similar to the story Wickham himself had once told her.
Elizabeth felt shocked and deeply troubled.
“No. This must be false.”
“It can’t possibly be true.”
“This has to be a complete lie.”
She finished the letter, although she could hardly remember the last few pages.
She quickly folded it and put it away.
“I won’t believe this.”
“I will never read it again.”
But her mind would not let the matter go.
She walked on for a while, lost in confusion.
Within minutes, she opened the letter again.
This time, she forced herself to slow down and carefully read everything Darcy had written about Wickham.
Darcy’s account of Wickham’s relationship with the Pemberley family was exactly the same as the story Wickham had told her.
Darcy also described his father’s kindness toward Wickham, and although Elizabeth had never known how generous the late Mr. Darcy had been, what Darcy wrote agreed with Wickham’s own words.
So far, both stories matched.
Then Elizabeth reached the part about the church living.
That was different.
She clearly remembered what Wickham had told her about it.
As she recalled his exact words, she realized that one of them had certainly been dishonest.
For a moment, she desperately hoped it was Darcy.
But then she read Darcy’s explanation again.
He said Wickham had given up his claim to the church position and had accepted £3,000 instead.
Elizabeth put down the letter.
She tried to consider everything fairly.
She weighed Darcy’s story against Wickham’s.
She thought about what was possible and what was not.
But she could not reach a decision.
Both men had simply given their own versions of events.
So she picked up the letter and continued reading.
The more she read, the more difficult it became to accuse Darcy.
What she had once believed was an unforgivable act now seemed capable of having a completely different explanation.
Perhaps Darcy had done nothing wrong at all.
Elizabeth was deeply disturbed by Darcy’s description of Wickham’s behavior.
He accused Wickham of wasting money and living a reckless, immoral life.
Elizabeth found the accusations shocking.
But what troubled her most was that she had no evidence to prove Darcy wrong.
She had known nothing about Wickham’s earlier life before he joined the militia in Hertfordshire.
Everything she knew about him had come from Wickham himself.
And because she had been so charmed by his appearance, voice, and manners, she had never felt the need to investigate his past.
She tried desperately to remember some example of Wickham’s goodness.
Surely there had to be something that could prove Darcy’s accusations were exaggerated.
She searched her memory for some act of kindness or honesty.
But nothing came to her.
She could easily remember Wickham’s attractive appearance and charming manners.
She remembered how much everyone in the neighborhood liked him.
She remembered how popular he was among the officers.
But she could not remember a single important act of kindness or integrity.
After thinking about it for a long time, she continued reading.
Then she came to Darcy’s account of Wickham’s attempt to run away with Georgiana Darcy.
That part frightened her even more.
What Darcy described seemed to fit something Colonel Fitzwilliam had told her only that morning.
And Darcy had said that Colonel Fitzwilliam could confirm the entire story.
Elizabeth had every reason to trust him.
She briefly considered asking Colonel Fitzwilliam about it.
But she soon realized how awkward such a question would be.
Then another thought stopped her completely.
Darcy would never have made such a serious accusation if he had not been certain that his cousin would support his story.
Elizabeth began remembering her first conversation with Wickham at Mr. Philips’s house.
Many of his words suddenly seemed suspicious.
She could not understand how she had failed to notice it before.
Why had he told such personal stories to a woman he had only just met?
Why had he been so eager to make himself look like Darcy’s victim?
She remembered Wickham saying that he was not afraid of meeting Darcy.
He had even said that Darcy might leave the country, but he would remain there.
Yet only a week later, Wickham had avoided the Netherfield ball because Darcy was going to be there.
That suddenly looked very different.
She also remembered that Wickham had told his story only to her while the Netherfield family were still in Hertfordshire.
After they left, however, everyone began talking about it.
Wickham no longer seemed worried about protecting Darcy’s father’s reputation.
He freely attacked Darcy’s character, even though he had once told Elizabeth that his respect for the late Mr. Darcy would prevent him from speaking badly about his son.
Everything about Wickham now looked different.
His attention to Miss King no longer seemed harmless.
It now looked completely motivated by money.
Even though Miss King’s fortune was only moderate, Wickham seemed ready to pursue her simply because she had money.
Elizabeth also began to question his behavior toward her.
Perhaps Wickham had misunderstood the size of her fortune.
Or perhaps he had simply enjoyed the attention she had given him.
Either way, she could no longer find a good reason for his behavior.
Her doubts about Wickham grew stronger with every thought.
At the same time, more evidence appeared in Darcy’s favor.
When Jane had asked Bingley about what had happened, Bingley had insisted that Darcy was not to blame.
Elizabeth had known Darcy for some time now.
She had seen much more of him than she had when they first met.
His manners were certainly proud and sometimes unpleasant.
But she had never seen him behave dishonestly or unfairly.
She had never noticed anything that suggested he was immoral or had bad habits.
The people who knew him well respected him.
Even Wickham had admitted that Darcy was a good brother.
Elizabeth remembered how warmly Darcy had spoken about his sister.
That alone showed that he was capable of genuine affection.
If Darcy had truly been as wicked as Wickham claimed, surely other people would have noticed.
And how could a man guilty of such terrible behavior be a close friend of someone as kind as Bingley?
The pieces were finally beginning to fit together.
Elizabeth became deeply ashamed of herself.
She could hardly think of Darcy or Wickham without realizing how badly she had judged them.
“How foolish I have been!”
“I always believed I was good at judging people.”
“I was so proud of my own intelligence.”
“I even looked down on Jane because she was willing to give people the benefit of the doubt.”
She covered her face for a moment.
“How humiliating.”
“But I deserve to feel this way.”
“If I had been in love, I could hardly have been more blind.”
“But I wasn’t blinded by love.”
“It was my vanity.”
“I enjoyed Wickham’s attention, and I was angry that Darcy disliked me.”
“From the very beginning, I wanted to believe the worst about one man and the best about the other.”
“I allowed my pride to control my judgment.”
“I pushed reason aside whenever it disagreed with what I wanted to believe.”
“Until now, I never really understood myself.”
Her thoughts moved from herself to Jane.
Then from Jane to Bingley.
That reminded her of Darcy’s explanation for separating Bingley from Jane.
She realized that she had not understood his explanation the first time.
So she read that part again.
The second reading affected her very differently.
Could she really reject Darcy’s explanation when she had already been forced to believe his other claims?
Darcy said he had honestly believed that Jane did not care deeply for Bingley.
Elizabeth remembered that Charlotte had often made the same observation.
Jane loved Bingley sincerely, but she rarely showed strong emotion.
Her calm and pleasant manner could easily make someone believe that her feelings were not very deep.
Elizabeth had to admit that Darcy’s judgment was not completely unreasonable.
Then she reached the part where Darcy criticized her family.
This was the most painful part of the letter.
His words were harsh, but she knew they were justified.
She remembered everything that had happened at the Netherfield ball.
Her mother’s loud behavior.
Her sisters’ embarrassing conduct.
Mr. Collins’s foolishness.
All of it had made Darcy’s first impression of her family even worse.
Elizabeth could not deny it.
Darcy had every reason to be concerned.
She was touched by the kind things he had said about Jane and herself.
But those compliments could not erase the shame caused by the rest of her family.
When Elizabeth thought about it carefully, she realized that Jane’s disappointment had been caused, at least in part, by the behavior of their own relatives.
That thought crushed her.
She began to understand how badly their family’s reputation had been damaged.
She walked through the lane for nearly two hours.
Her mind moved from one thought to another.
She reconsidered old conversations.
She compared one person’s words with another’s.
She tried to decide what was true.
She slowly accepted that almost everything she had believed about Darcy and Wickham had changed.
Eventually, she became exhausted.
She also realized how long she had been away from home.
She finally turned back.
When she entered the house, she tried to look cheerful.
She did not want anyone to notice how troubled she was.
She had barely stepped inside when she learned that both men from Rosings had visited.
Darcy had only stayed for a few minutes to say goodbye.
Colonel Fitzwilliam, however, had remained for nearly an hour.
He had been hoping Elizabeth would return.
He had even considered going after her to find her.
Elizabeth pretended to be disappointed that she had missed him.
But inside, she was relieved.
Colonel Fitzwilliam no longer mattered to her.
There was only one thing occupying her thoughts now.
Darcy’s letter.