During dinner, Mr. Bennet barely said a word.
Once the servants had left the room, however, he decided it was time to entertain his guest.
He chose a subject that he was sure Mr. Collins would enjoy: Lady Catherine de Bourgh.
“You seem to be very fortunate in your patroness,” Mr. Bennet said. “Lady Catherine appears to take a great interest in your comfort and happiness.”
Mr. Collins immediately became more serious.
“You are absolutely right, sir. I have never met anyone of such high rank who has shown me so much kindness.”
He sat up straighter.
“Lady Catherine has been extraordinarily gracious to me. I have never experienced such generosity from a person of her position.”
Mr. Bennet listened quietly.
“She has even been kind enough to approve both of the sermons I have had the honor of delivering in her presence.”
“And she has invited me to dine at Rosings twice.”
Mr. Collins continued with growing enthusiasm.
“Only last Saturday, she sent for me to join a game of cards in the evening.”
“She is sometimes considered proud by people who know her,” he said, “but I have never seen that side of her.”
“To me, she has always been extremely pleasant.”
“She speaks to me just as she would to any other gentleman. She has never objected to my visiting people in the neighborhood, and she has no problem with my leaving the parish for a week or two to visit my relatives.”
He paused proudly.
“She has even advised me to marry as soon as possible, provided that I choose my wife carefully.”
Mrs. Bennet immediately looked interested.
“She once honored my humble home with a personal visit,” Mr. Collins continued. “She inspected all the improvements I had made and approved of them.”
“Indeed, she was kind enough to suggest a few improvements of her own.”
Mr. Bennet raised an eyebrow.
“What sort of improvements?”
“Some shelves in the upstairs closets.”
Mrs. Bennet smiled politely.
“That all sounds very kind of her. She must be a very pleasant woman indeed.”
“It’s a shame that more wealthy ladies aren’t like her.”
She looked curious.
“Does she live close to your parish?”
“Very close, madam.”
Mr. Collins brightened.
“The garden around my humble home is separated from Rosings Park by nothing more than a small lane.”
“I believe you said she is a widow?”
“Yes, madam.”
“Does she have any children?”
“She has one daughter.”
Mr. Collins spoke with great importance.
“Miss de Bourgh is the sole heiress to Rosings and to a very large fortune.”
Mrs. Bennet shook her head.
“Well, then, that young lady certainly has a better position than many girls.”
She looked interested.
“What is she like? Is she pretty?”
“She is a remarkably charming young lady.”
Mr. Collins smiled proudly.
“Lady Catherine herself considers her daughter far more beautiful than most women.”
“She says Miss de Bourgh has the kind of features that clearly show her noble birth.”
He lowered his voice slightly.
“Unfortunately, her health is rather delicate.”
“This has prevented her from becoming as accomplished as she might otherwise have been.”
“The woman who supervised her education has explained this to me, and she still lives with the family.”
“But Miss de Bourgh is extremely pleasant.”
He nodded enthusiastically.
“She sometimes passes my humble home in her little carriage with her ponies.”
“Has she ever been presented at court?” Mrs. Bennet asked. “I don’t remember seeing her name among the young ladies there.”
“Sadly, her poor health makes it impossible for her to spend much time in London.”
Mr. Collins looked almost mournful.
“I once told Lady Catherine that this was a great loss to the royal court.”
“In fact, I said that the court had been deprived of its brightest ornament.”
Mrs. Bennet looked impressed.
“Lady Catherine seemed very pleased with that observation.”
Mr. Collins smiled.
“You can imagine how happy I am to offer such small compliments whenever I have the opportunity.”
“I have told Lady Catherine more than once that her daughter seems destined to become a duchess.”
He became even more serious.
“I have also told her that the highest position in society would not make Miss de Bourgh more important. Instead, her presence would make that position more distinguished.”
“These are the sorts of little remarks that Lady Catherine appreciates.”
“And I believe it is my duty to pay her such attention.”
“You are certainly very thoughtful,” Mr. Bennet said.
Then he added with a perfectly straight face:
“I imagine you must have a special talent for flattering people without making it seem too obvious.”
Mr. Collins looked pleased.
“My compliments usually come naturally from whatever is happening at the moment.”
“Of course, I sometimes think beforehand about suitable compliments for different situations.”
“But whenever I use them, I always try to make them sound completely spontaneous.”
Mr. Bennet had gotten exactly what he wanted.
Mr. Collins was every bit as ridiculous as he had expected.
He listened with great amusement, keeping his face perfectly serious.
Only an occasional glance toward Elizabeth revealed that he was enjoying himself.
By the time tea was served, however, Mr. Bennet felt he had heard enough.
He was happy to take Mr. Collins back into the drawing room.
After tea, he suggested that Mr. Collins read aloud to the ladies.
Mr. Collins readily agreed.
A book was brought to him.
But as soon as he saw it, he stepped back.
“I beg your pardon, but I’m afraid I cannot read this.”
He looked at the book as though it were something dangerous.
“I never read novels.”
Kitty stared at him.
Lydia looked shocked.
“Never?”
Several other books were brought out.
Mr. Collins examined them carefully before finally choosing a collection of sermons by James Fordyce.
Lydia stared at the book in disbelief.
Mr. Collins opened it and began reading in a slow, serious voice.
He had barely finished three pages when Lydia suddenly interrupted him.
“Mamma, did you know that Uncle Philips is thinking about dismissing Richard?”
Mr. Collins stopped reading.
“If he does, Colonel Forster will probably hire him.”
“My aunt told me about it herself on Saturday.”
“I’m going to walk to Meryton tomorrow to find out more.”
“And I want to know when Mr. Denny is coming back from London.”
Kitty and Jane immediately told Lydia to be quiet.
But Mr. Collins was deeply offended.
He slowly closed the book.
“I have often noticed how little young ladies seem to care about serious books.”
He looked around the room.
“Books that are written especially for their education should surely be of great interest to them.”
“I must admit that I find their lack of interest quite surprising.”
“Surely there is nothing more beneficial to a young woman than proper instruction.”
He stood up.
“But I will not force my cousin to listen any longer.”
Mr. Collins turned to Mr. Bennet.
“Perhaps you would be willing to play backgammon with me instead?”
“Certainly,” Mr. Bennet replied.
“I think you are making the right decision by leaving the young ladies to their own little amusements.”
Mrs. Bennet and her daughters immediately apologized.
“I’m very sorry for Lydia’s interruption,” Mrs. Bennet said.
“We assure you that it will not happen again.”
“If you would like to continue reading, please do.”
Mr. Collins smiled politely.
“Please don’t worry. I have no ill feelings toward my young cousin.”
“I certainly would not take her behavior as a personal insult.”
He then sat down at another table with Mr. Bennet.
The backgammon board was brought out.
And Mr. Collins finally had something else to occupy his attention.