If I am going to defend the dignity of whaling, I should rely on facts that can actually be proved.
Still, would it really be fair to an argument if its defender refused to mention a reasonable possibility simply because it could make his case even stronger?
Consider the coronation of kings and queens.
Even in modern times, a newly crowned monarch goes through certain ancient ceremonies.
There is a special ceremonial saltcellar, and perhaps other official containers used during the ceremony.
Exactly how the salt is used, I cannot say.
But one thing is certain: during a coronation, the king’s head is solemnly anointed with oil.
Now, why do they do that?
Is it possible that the oil is meant to make the inside of a king’s head work smoothly, the way we oil a machine?
That would certainly be an interesting thought.
In ordinary life, however, we do not think very highly of a man who covers his hair in oil and walks around smelling of it.
A grown man who regularly uses hair oil, unless he needs it for medical reasons, probably has something rather strange going on inside his head.
But that is not the important question here.
The real question is: what kind of oil is used to anoint a king during his coronation?
Surely it is not olive oil.
It is not hair oil.
It is not castor oil.
It is not bear oil.
It is not whale oil used for ordinary lamps.
And it is certainly not cod-liver oil.
So what could it be?
Perhaps it is pure sperm-whale oil—the finest, sweetest oil produced by the whale before it has been processed or mixed with anything else.
Think about that, loyal people of Britain.
Your kings and queens may owe part of their sacred coronation ceremony to us whalemen.
We go out to sea, hunt the great sperm whales, and provide the oil that may be used to anoint the heads of your monarchs.
So, even if you refuse to respect whaling, remember this:
We whalemen may be supplying the oil that helps crown your kings and queens.